my life with myself….

Everything is funny as long as it is happening with somebody else

Archive for the ‘Memories’ Category

anything for you maam

Posted by Anupam Jha on December 13, 2008

We were so young and nonchalant,immature,
We had the world on a string,
But we didnt yet know,
What the next day would bring,

Would i b forced,
to grow up too fast?
We have got to take it back,
But we cant alter the past,

I had so much potential,
You often said,thats what they w’ll say,
How could one moment
change my life this way?

How were we to know?
that one little mistake
Would come back to hit me,
With every breath i take?!!

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flashback

Posted by Anupam Jha on May 15, 2008

As   i m  lying  on the  ground 

and  gazing    into   the  space

the stars   start  to  twinkle

into   the  shape  of  your  countenance

I  see   you   there  now

holding  the  broom  in  your  arms

Looking   down  at  me   from  70meters

You  now  started  showing  your  as  usual  hubris

Like  always   i m again  bemused   to  grasp  something  worthwhile

To  keep  me   confused   you  again  tried  to  mesmerize  me  by   your  cute  smile

What    i    was   dying  to  see   in   this   whole  world

And   you   know  my   weakness  of   losing my sense  at   your  smile

Then   i   felt  for  a  brief  moment,you  say  *close   your  eyes* tell me  what  you see,

 I see   only  two  things   you n me,not even  that  postman  who   had  just  given  you  my   message.Silly  postman

We   started   strolling   towards   a  sea  shore, i   was  dreaming

With   our  feet  getting  wet

the   horizons  turn  pink  i  donot  know  for  what,may  b  my utter  madness  i guess

as    the  sun  starts  to  set  during  the  gloaming 

 Oh   i   wish    i   cud   b  in   that   place

The  special  place  of  my   life,

 As   i m  lying  on   the  ground,and  gazing  into  the  space!!

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short yes i m

Posted by Anupam Jha on February 16, 2008

Pankaj  has  crossed,Evanjan  is already  on the safer side,utkarsh  is after me.This is my turn now.I  have to  jump infact a big jump  to avoid   15mm   mud  full of all  dregs   at our college  campus to  move for  the  closet dhaba  for  dinner.Right.I m ready.Can I  pass this  little  hurdle,sometimes i feel helpless,but again no option,I need to give it a try.Just a try.Guys  started  claping-Jha come on..like  this is goin to b a  big  marathon  event,in which  a short guy has to  get the  standing ovation,if he passes  successfully.A herculean  task.It is easier sometimes to crack  the  most mind blowing   integrations  manufactured by   doubly  mind blowing   professors of iits.It takes  2-3 mins,at least to me still.Note karo kitna intelligent hoon.But  this  jump is not about  its about something,i cant change.And  then i started  running with stride  which was  really  abnormal  to me,now i reached at the mud,and  blurted out-Oh shitt,fuck wait next chance plz,and in the  4th tired  breathing  severely  attempt,somehow i  jumped off ,my left leg inside the mud,right on the safer side,and i swore that day,i would never  try for another jump in my life.

                                     This  minor event  during my engineerring days,is still inside of me,not b coz i feel shy of that,this is the stature God has given me,and i need to  get amused on this instead mulling about this.When ever i  stroll down the street from my home town to  anywhere,pretty young girls drop their swanky bags in big horror-what happened to u,quite short.!!Visitors from  abroad find me terribly funny,wants to have a pic with me,so later when they   return to their respective motherlands,they can show to their neighbours,see,we have found one unique creature in India,that too outside museum,funny.Tall guys laugh  at me,telling me hey can any surgery help u to get out of this seasoned problem.

              Now chill.Relax.inhale one breathe,if u havent so far.I have already ,taken.The last line is just  a  victim of extreme   frustration,or  exaggeration.But i m short,reality is reality,it bites,but you have to live with it.I hardly reach near to  5′ 5″-5′ 6″.People have been giving names like-chhotu,little master,pocket dictionary,and so on.Endless list.

                      When i was little kid,people used to tease me at school,and due to  heart broken  anger i used to plans,how to  push off the tall guy from the school roof during games period.See,how notorious i have been all through my life.When  mummy  used to give me complan.Bournvita,i thought,chill,i wud b like  tutu bhaiya one day,complan wud help me.But as    i grew up,or i never grew up much,i knew this world will remain  a big  oxford dictionary rather than little  collins gem dictionary to me.I had to admit at one point.that i m short but not inferior,just different.I donot need to hate myself.I have to spend  a life time with this height.And in the process,i  learnt the most important art of living-laughing at myself.Not b coz i lack self esteem,but a parley  with  the reality,and gettting  rid of any  shenanigans sort of egos.

                      When ever tall westindian players  hit off the ground  after getting hammered by sachin,i jump off from the sofa set.Whenever i hear story of great  Hitler,i light up another fag,whenever johnny lever  squeezes  cheers and laugh from the audience i tell my self.chill.chill.life is still beautiful.May b may not i m sure,no girl will maryy me ever.Oye sohniye is it like that??May b all my life i will have trouble crossing 15mm mud.

               But one thing is sure,i m not goin to take myself seriously,i wll laugh at myself,in order to  minimise my ego,and it reminds me of how funny life can b.really.what looks like a  compromise actually it is just a  completely different viewpoint regarding life.Real  education.

            and its not bad that much.i drunk complan and yelled at mummy-see i mnt growing its now 14 months.The pants what i bought in 12th still suit me perfectly.may b i wll never b able to play basket ball.but u donot need to play basket ball to die happily.

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reverse gear

Posted by Anupam Jha on November 21, 2007

As life progresses,i m starting to gain the ability to  not to take it gravely n grimly.I have been through  some  tough entrance exams of life.Including GRE(not  a joke for a hindi medium guy at all).I have stayed mostly around hostels,and i have been through that typical milieu of hostel life.Though I was cynosure of  that life.Made some impeccable frnds.I have been beaten green by school teachers,college teachers for not being serious all my life.I have been declared decently intelligent by some people(they were  drunk,i guess).I have been through hitting my cycle into a large group of girls.I have been through some really testing times in my life so far.

                             Still I m yet to see this world,which will have things,what I feel good for me.But when i look back and recap my life i see there were several things,which i left untouched,i left unwillingly.It looks like a story of any other guy.Mine is no different.Share of laughs,tears,extreme masti,ridicule,pain,and some unforgettable memories.I see that even though i tend to look at this world as if i m the only one with this type of life,things going around me only,i m not.I m just among millions of poeple,each one living his/her story.Everyone is mulling his/her is The story.But if i take one step back i see at my life like any other person would,i see i m just a elfin in this big thing we call  the world.

                 So I just want to have a good time.Fun.Life is not an entrance exam for me now.Just a thing to enjoy and savour till it lasts.Love and to b loved.I donot wish my story should b treated like any serious project of condoms in some remote village of Bihar,Really.I donot want it to have too many pinching moments,soul searching,nah.Not where a villian comes and beats me till i say *oyee saala maar dalega kya dikhta nahi kitna chhota hoon*.In stead i want a story with  a few sweet smiles,hugs,blessings and a lazo.I donot need to win the world and makes everyone happy,this is not my job.My job is to make myself happy instead others.I just want my story to look like a sweet romantic comedy,where no body is crying around me.Where  there is no HR-EXECUTIVE from wipro,and even if they are,they wont b able to recognise me,but my poor maid thinks of me as nice guy.I wud just b satisfied with peaceful milieu,softy careful mother around me,scholarly father unleashing timeless wisdom to me,stumbling kids,and a lazo(wife) who thinks i m tolerable( m i tolerable? oye bol na).A little house with lots of plants,kids toddling around me,n asking me about the next one(papa mera brother kab aayega?).Love n trust in the hearts of loved ones,music is going(aashiqui ka i luv it)……uueemaaa 4 3 2 1  back to reality now.

                 I m not ambitious,rite.m i not ambitious?I guess I have some seriously serious problem in my head.Some of u may look at me n can say what a coward n dull this guy is.one who doesnt hav passion for  life he is a loser talking like that.One who have wasted money of parents by b coming a dingy engineer.A big burden for IT/ITes industry.One who have wasted NIT/RECs re sources.Have mercy on me,o u great victors ! ! But then guys I m so sorry.Its not I m not working hard i donot have dreams,infact i have dreams which are  responsible to  write all these hogwash words.But i wont let myelf to b tucked into any race,rat race,or mice race.I want  my life to b like a  sweet smelling handkerchief,which can offer me and others to wipe out tears coming out from eyes.A happy ending of a story no cry no pain no useless smses too ! !

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Blank..isnt it??

Posted by Anupam Jha on September 4, 2007

When  I was a little tot I was happily happy.I never saw my father working  hard for jobs.I never saw my mother feeling bad after missing morning breakfast.I thought then mature people or grown up  people are always happier than kids.And being professor’s son has some downsides to it.The moment I thought to essay something near terribly dirty playground.He murmured something as harsh as Lalita pawar(yaad hai ya bhool gaya angrez log).I saw my nearby colony bhaiya who used to wait 5 long hours near a dustbin just to get a side view of his crush.Soo during such why-only -i -suffer childhood I wished I would grow up fast to enjoy all these things except waiting for someone.

                                  But in spite of such restrictions and being unable to wait I often find those were the best days of my life.Something very coool about being a tot.When you are a tot,life is like a closed box.May b full of amol butter,may b morton, may b a dead lizard,may b .And it gives a very enchanting sense to kids.A sense of surprise,agogness.The kid is still unaware of what his future son would do.Whether he would smoke marijuana or safal juice.He cant view such situations.He has no broken memories.nor ever he can think of someone 234 times without reasons.He is just a kid.A walk with father to bring even a toy of price 4 can give him happiness of calcutta especially when Sourav Ganguly getting a Man Of the match award.!! An empty bottle of wine can give him loads of happiness.Especially me. A kid can imagine anything..aNYTHING….He can dream to lead indian rugby team in 2014…isnt it? He can flirt with legs of Shilpa shetty that too in presence of Richard Gere.

                                   May b I m not inclined to know about what is inside of closed box.May b I would discover it sometime later.May b I would find it very sweet.But the beauty ends the moment you find it.I guess life is just an alternation of sweet memories and  a bit of  tough interviews for me.I guess each victory and defeat are too trivial to take seriously.A time between birth and death,on what we conclude our best moments, and we reach somewhere from there we see only memories.!

                              All  the boyish things all the dust which seemed fun to me once upon a time suddenly now seems just boyish to me now.Every thoughts swirling in my mind rite now putting me away from some people.I know.I m turning more like a very private person.I m never after material things which can keep me lively for mins and later parcel me to insomnia state of this world.I love my parents sisters and some good people.Too much closeness causes pain to all.Clinging to something is really too painful to cling.If you have a factory of Fevicol then you can,I donot have.Empty lives are peaceful isnt it? No negative marks for a blank paper.

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On net….

Posted by Anupam Jha on June 3, 2007

When your are 8 years old.And you are forcefully surrounded by 3 typical intellectual fountains.You are sir bound to behave like a kid who can one day match with them.Great expectations I guess.What is success? Sometimes I switch off the lights bolt the door.And ask my self,is it having a ferrari or a penthouse, or something else which eluded me so far.I m no highly disciplined guy who wake up at 6 rush to bathroom.Come back for tea do some modern type of puja.I m a kind of guy who take things as it comes.Planning is something,I abhor.There are ceratin things which come to you quite naturally and I firmly believe in them.So now coming to the situation …a 8 years old kid and 3 highly successful intellectuals.One of them is in NY for last 16 years.Another one the most famous young face in modern journalism(yellow journalism).Ex IITian.First before answering anything I tell you,one thing.My situation was very much like Steve Tikolo captain of Kenya especially when you are playing against mighty Australians.But sometimes unexpected things happens unexpectedly.So eldest bhaiya  asked me as  cooly as Kareena Kapoor changes her earrings.I know that.*Bantu what do you want to b come in life*.For the moment I thought,bhaiya better you ask me how many times I steal eggs from the near by kiosk.Soooo heavy questionnnn.Damn Damn….but self reliance is something what I often keep with myself.Trust on your ownself.I guess before he ended his million dollor question.I answered  as confidently as I was sure of everything what would happen in near future.I want to b an engineer from a putative inst.Saying to someone that you want to b come an engineer especially in a state like bihar is as normal as rising early in the morning and rushing for bathroom.

                                           Over the years,I  have learnt that happiness success and peace everything depends on you.How you take things.How strong you are mentally to challenge any hurdles which comes to your way to make you better human being.Life is a kind of test where you never fail.You learn always even from the worst situations.And I m still running to make myself happy.O jee wait……koi on line hai…I need to log off now. Someone …waiting for me…See the heading of the post!

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